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| October 3rd, 2009
[Finished October 4th, 2009]
Toby and I aren't good, at all. We've only been dating for a month and a half but we've got so much romantic and not-romantic history that it feels like we've been together for too long. It's killing me. I really am giving him my all and he can't seem to find it in his heart to love me the way he should. I can make excuses all night for him if I want to, but when it comes down to it... Dating should've made things easier, and it didn't. It keeps getting worse. I think it's just a matter of time now.
I want brand new eyes to see a bit more clearly, and Paramore's new album, Brand New Eyes. At this point, I'm not sure which I'd rather have.
I settled down a twisted up frown
disguised as a smile.
Well, you would’ve never known.
I had it all, but not what I wanted,
‘cause hope for me was a place uncharted
and overgrown.
You’d make your way in;
I resisted just like this.
You can't tell me to feel!
The truth never set me free,
so I did it myself.
- Careful, track 1.
Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me,
well, sentence me to another life.
- Ignorance, track 2.
You treat me just like another stranger.
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir.
I guess I'll go;
I best be on my way out.
Ignorance is your new best friend.
- Ignorance, track 2.
You don't have to believe me,
but the way I, way I see it...
Next time you point a finger,
I might have to bend it back
or break it, break it off.
Next time you point a finger,
I'll point you to the mirror.
- Playing God, track 3.
This is the last second chance;
(I'll point you to the mirror.)
I'm half as good as it gets.
(I'll point you to the mirror.)
I'm on both sides of the fence...
(I'll point you to the mirror.)
Without a hint of regret,
I'll hold you to it.
- Playing God, track 3.
So one day he found her crying,
coiled up on the dirty ground.
Her prince finally came to save her,
and the rest you can figure out.
But it was a trick, and the clock struck twelve.
Well, make sure to build your home brick by boring brick,
or the wolf's gonna blow it down.
Keep your feet on the ground
when your head's in the clouds.
- Brick By Boring Brick, track 4.
If it's not real,
you can't hold it in your hands,
you can't feel it with your heart,
and I won't believe it.
But if it's true,
you can see it with your eyes,
oh, even in the dark.
And that's where I want to be, yeah.
- Brick By Boring Brick, track 4.
I wanna know what it'd be like
to find perfection in my pride,
to see nothing in the light,
and turn it off in all my spite, in all my spite.
I'll turn it off, just turn it off.
- Turn It Off, track 5.
And the worst part is,
before it gets any better,
we're headed for a cliff.
And in the free fall I will realize
I'm better off when I hit the bottom.
- Turn It Off, track 5.
When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched
as he tried to reassemble it.
And my momma swore
that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.
But, darling, you are the only exception.
- The Only Exception, track 6.
Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone.
Keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this;
keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now, I had sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk...
Well, you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
- The Only Exception, track 6.
I've got a tight grip on reality,
but I can't let go of what's in front of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof its not a dream, ohh?
- The Only Exception, track 6.
Well, I try not to think of what might happen
when your reality, it finally cuts through.
Well, as for me, I got out and I'm on the road..
The worst part is that this, this could be you.
You know it too.
You can't run from your shame.
You're not getting any younger.
Time keeps passing by, but you wave it away.
It's time to roll over.
- Feeling Sorry, track 7.
I've got no time for feeling sorry.
All the best lies,
they are told with fingers tied.
So cross them tight.
Won't you promise me tonight,
if its the last thing you do,
you'll get out?
- Feeling Sorry, track 7.
Things are looking up.
Oh, finally.
I thought I'd never see the day
when you'd smile at me.
We always pull through,
oh, when we try.
I'm always wrong,
but you're never right.
Oh, you're never right.
- Looking Up, track 8.
Call me over;
Tell me how you got so far,
never making a single sound.
I’m not used to it, but I can learn.
Nothing to it.
I've never been happier,
I've never been happier.
- Where The Lines Overlap, track 9.
I'm going away for a while,
but I'll be back.
Don't try and follow me,
'cause I'll return as soon as possible.
See, I'm trying to find my place,
but it might not be here where I feel safe.
We all learn to make mistakes
and run from them, from them,
with no direction.
- Misguided Ghosts, track 10.
And now I'm told that this is life;
That pain is just a simple compromise,
so we can get what we want out of it.
Would someone care to classify?
A broken heart and some twisted minds,
so I can find someone to rely on
and run to them, to them.
Full speed ahead.
Oh, you are not useless;
We are just misguided ghosts,
travelin' endlessly.
The ones we trusted the most
pushed us far away.
- Misguided Ghosts, track 10.
Think of me when you're out, when you're out there.
I'll beg you nice from my knees.
And when the world treats you way too fairly,
Well it's a shame I'm a dream...
All I wanted was you.
All I wanted was you.
- All I Wanted, track 11.
I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
and fall asleep on the couch.
Wake up early to black and white re-runs
that escape from my mouth, ohh.
All I wanted was you,
all I wanted was you.
All I wanted was you,
all I wanted was you.
- All I Wanted, track 11.
I could follow you to the beginning,
just to relive the start.
Maybe then we'd remember to slow down
at all of our favorite parts.
All I wanted was you, oh.
All I wanted was you,
all I wanted was you.
All I wanted was you,
all I wanted was you.
- All I Wanted, track 11.
Picture credit goes out to:
a. BurnSoBrightQuotes (my favorite site everrr)
b. PocketfulOfSunshine
c. AgitatedHope
d. MakeAMiracleHappen
I highly recommend the new Paramore album, Brand New Eyes to anyone. The lyrics aren't always spectacular/relative but I think there's just something about Paramore that makes me WAKE UP and wanna dye my hair bright orange. Haha, IDK. ;] It's like 1 in the morning now, so I'm going to get some ice cream. | | |
| Information:
Just some nocturnal seventeen year old from New Jersey.
I'd love for you to be able to connect with anything here.
Subscribe if you like anything you see.
Updates:
When we adjusted our lives to make things easier,
everything only got more difficult.
I still love you but your spark is clearly gone.
Just tell me what to do now.
Last updated: October 3rd/4th, 2009.
Visit list/affiliates:
Hannah+Shannon @ shhhicons.
Courtney @ burnsobrightquotes.
Cristy @ iconsunderseige.
Alicia @ candlewaxquotes.
Tori @ windychild.
Amanda @ packagedsmile.
( These are either affiliates, sisters,
or people who own sites I love.
You can ask to be affs or sisters. )
Link me:
| | |
| September 20th, 2009.
This probably sums up exactly how I feel about my boyfriend and our lives and everything in my fucking head. If you get the chance, listen to this song. It's beautifully sad, and just beautiful.
I see it in the way you would do...
When no one else could ever get through.
Holding back 'til I come around;
Time and time again, you wait for me to come in..
And did you really look my way?
'Cause no one coulda seen this coming.
I would never let you down;
If I was running backwards in full time.
So I can, and I will, and you'll see
your hero come running,
over and over tonight.
And I do wanna love you.
If you see me running back...
And I do wanna try.
Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy,
then I'm going out of my mind.
So hold back your tears this time.
Me? I'm used to being tired and bloody,
but you believed that I could be somebody.
You put your world on hold for me;
Gave away to follow;
Feel you through the fire.
I need you to know I will.
Believe me, girl, I'm so tired of running.
I just wanna hold your hand;
Stare at you like you've got everything I need.
And I can, so I will, and you'll see
your hero come running,
over and over tonight.
And I do wanna love you.
If you see me running back...
And I do wanna try.
Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy,
then I'm going out of my mind.
So hold back your tears this time.
And what if I never said to you I was dynamite?
And what if I never told you I'm afraid to cry?
What if I never let you down,
and said I'm sorry for the nights I can't remember?
What if I never said to you I would try?
Yeah, yeah, yeaahh.
And I do wanna love you.
(If you see me running back...)
And I do wanna try.
Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy,
then I'm going out of my mind.
So hold back your tears this time.
And I do wanna love you.
If you see me running back..
And I do wanna try.
Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy,
then I'm going out of my mind.
So hold back your tears this time.
Hold back your tears this time.
(Credit to MostObviousWeakness for the pictures.)
Please summarize yourself in six words or less.
I wanna know exactly what you feel in the most simple sentence, or the most simple terms.
My six words for right now?
Quietly explosive, I'm a ticking timebomb. | | |
| August 18th, 2009.
I feel like my heart is so big and full and empty at the same time that it just may burst at any given second. I'm falling in love with him all over again.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing;
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in.
'Cause I got time while she got freedom...
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even.
Her best days will be some of my worst.
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first.
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping..
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even, even, no.
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah.
I'm falling to pieces.
They say bad things happen for a reason,
but no wise word's gonna stop me bleeding.
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving...
And when a heart breaks, no, it dont break even, even, no.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah.
I'm falling to pieces, yeah.
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces.
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain.
You took your suitcase; I took the blame.
Now I'm trying to make sense of what little remains,
'cause you left with no love, with no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing...
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in.
'Cause I got time while she got freedom...
'Cause when a heart breaks, no, it don't break even.
No, it don't break, no, it don't break even, no.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah.
I'm falling to pieces, yeah.
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces.
"Breakeven" by The Script.
Listen to it when you get the chance.
Picture credit to MakeAMiracleHappen. | | |
| August 5th, 2009.
Just a bunch of songs to describe my feelings lately, which are nothing less than all over the place. I'm a mixture of crazy and reckless and stupid. And, clearly, massochistic. :( Eh. I'm just having a mixture of an absurd and long-awaited reality check/epiphany, and a relapse back into depression, haha. I hate my life 'cause I wish I was livin' it. August is a killer.
I'll never need to see the sun again.
There's enough light in your eyes to light up our little world.
So take me, take me away
Kill me slowly, I'll never be the same.
- "This Flesh A Tomb" by Atreyu.
I've been driving for an hour,
just talking to the rain.
You say I've been driving you crazy,
and its keeping you away.
So just give me one good reason;
Tell me why I should stay.
'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say.
- "Breathe" by Michelle Branch.
So how do I do normal?
A smile I fake,
the permenant wave of
cue-cards and fix-it kits.
Can't you tell?
I'm not myself;
I'm a slow motion accident,
Lost in coffee rings and fingerprints.
I don't wanna feel anything but I do,
And it all comes back to you.
- "Hear Me Out" by Frou Frou.
I know she hopes I choke on this last drink;
Drop dead before my influence gets to her head.
She said, "I'll love you forever,
or find something better.
It's all just the same as when we sleep together.
We wake up with headaches and trouble remembering
what went wrong."
- "The Party Scene" by All Time Low.
There was nothing that could
make it easy on you.
Every step you take reminds you
that she's walking on.
And for all you know,
this could be the difference between what you need
and what you want to be.
Day break on the boulevard.
Feel the sun warming up your secondhand heart;
Light swimming right across your face.
You think,
"Maybe someday."
Maybe someday.
- "The Difference" by Matchbox Twenty.
If I had the chance, I would make it all okay.
I would make it feel like
you're the only one who matters most.
If I had the chance,
I would replace all the grays with sunny days.
We can sit for hours on my roof
and tell the rain to go way.
Go away.
- "Tear Down the Stars" by The Years Gone By.
You keep telling me, baby,
there will come a time
when you will leave her arms
and forever be in mine.
But I don't think that's the truth,
and I don't like being used,
and I'm tired of waiting.
It's too much pain to have to bare
to love a man you have to share.
- "Stay" by Sugarland.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter;
Without you, God knows what I'd do.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter,
as long as I'm laughing with you.
I think that all that still matters
is love ever after,
after the life we've been through.
I know there's no life after you.
- "Life After You" by Daughtry.
Doesn't it suck to love? I hate every second of it. Most of the time, I genuinely wish I could feel nothing. Less than nothing. Nothing minus everything. I make no sense.
..And yet, I don't know if I'll ever be strong enough to even want to change a thing.
Picture credit to ClassicRad & IconsUnderSiege.
I just need some feedback.
Tell me a sad story?
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