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| November 23rd, 2009.
It's been one hell of a month. This week, I haven't been as strong as I'd hoped to remain. Kinda relapsed, kinda texted Toby, kinda got killed by college stuff and stress and unfinishable homework and friendship drama and my crazy family and my ex bestboyfriend's words of blasphemy. Had honestly one of the worst days of the year. I don't have much faith in mankind (keyword: man), though a few friends of mine gave me just enough hope this weekend to help me survive this horrible Monday rain. I hope everything is going well for everyone else and I apologize for being so unbelievably busy. This post is a song by Taking Back Sunday that I've always loved but never quite listened to the way I did on the busride home today. I appreciate TBS so much because I feel like they're talking right to me. Take care. :)
I'm under the assumption that I'm gonna be
the one that's leaving you
tonight, tonight...
Well, I flipped every switch
that I could find on my way out
just to upset you more.
Just to keep you busy.
Just to make you angry.
Just because you were right,
just because you were...
All tired scream, "Safe haven."
Let's get this out and on the table...
Fast forward to, say, four o'clock.
I'm keeping time;
I'm holdin',
we're always holdin', we're always holdin,
we're always holdin, holding out...
And that's what got us here in the first place.
You should have never come here alone.
You should have never bothered at all, bothered at all...
Scream "Older and wiser, still filled with resentment."
We get it, we get it.
Oh, I haven't been happier since.
Older and wiser, still filled with resentment.
We get it, we get it...
Oh, (Bryan),
I haven't been happier since,
I haven't been happier, not since.
Well, five o'clock, the floor caught fire
with footsteps - my footsteps -
and spread like a disease to the door.
I'm stuttering through it but I hear it;
I-I-I hear it's good t-t-to stick to what you know.
And you know a whole lot of this,
it all could have been avoided when
you were courtside for this nightmare.
Well since then, I got myself. Come and listen...
Scream "Older and wiser, still filled with resentment."
We get it, we get it.
Oh, I haven't been happier since.
Older and wiser, still filled with resentment.
We get it, we get it...
Oh, (Toby),
I haven't been happier since,
I haven't been happier, not since.
I haven't been happier since,
I haven't been happier since,
I haven't been happier since,
I haven't been happier not since...
Well, it used to take so much more.
(I used to; I used to, too.)
It used to take so much more..
(I used to; I used to, too.)
I used to, I used to too...
Pictures credited to:
burnsobrightquotes & vintage_nightss.
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| November 14th or 15th, 2009.
(I really don't know what today is.)
Mmmm I feel like I'm obligated to inform all of you that I'm no longer with my best friend and that we're no longer on speaking or friendly terms whatsoever. This is obviously not something I wanted, nor is it my fault. Uh and somehow I got my heart broken again last week. Senior year is pretty great, huh? ;) To be honest, though, I'm happier now than I ever was before, despite the constant heartache and the chaos of applying to college. Turns out I can deal with stress better than misery at home. Cheers to growing up.
Take the light, and darken everything around me.
Call the clouds and listen closely;
I'm lost without you.
Call your name every day when I feel so helpless.
I'm fallin' down,
but I'll rise above this, rise above this.
Hate the mind; regrets are better left unspoken.
For all we know, this void will grow and
everything's in vain,
distressing you, though it leaves me open.
Feels so right, but I'll end this all before it gets me.
Call your name every day when I feel so helpless.
I'm fallin' down,
but I'll rise above this, rise above this.
Call your name every day when I seem so helpless.
I'm fallin' down,
but I'll rise above this, rise above this doubt.
I'll mend myself before it gets me.
(I'll mend myself before it gets me.)
I'll mend myself before it gets me.
(I'll mend myself before it gets me.)
Call your name every day when I feel so helpless.
I'm fallin' down,
but I'll rise above this, rise above this.
Call your name every day when I seem so helpless.
I'm fallin' down,
but I'll rise above this, rise above this.
Forty eight ways to say that I'm feelin' helpless...
Fallin' down, fallin down',
but I'll rise above this, rise above this.
Pic credit to agitatedhope.
I'd like the last sir to break my heart to read that Bob Marley quote. Because it fits more than anything at the moment. Babe, if you really do think I'm too flawed, then eventually I'd like to be able to look at you and say fuck you. But I know that won't be for a while, so I'd just like you to know that you're not perfect either. Appreciate me. Shit. | | |
| Information:
Just some nocturnal seventeen year old from New Jersey.
I'd love for you to be able to connect with anything here.
Subscribe if you like anything you see.
Updates:
I gave him everything I had left,
and he ran away just like the rest.
I guess that's life for ya, huh?
Last updated: November 14th or 15th, 2009.
Visit list/affiliates:
Hannah+Shannon @ shhhicons.
Courtney @ burnsobrightquotes.
Cristy @ iconsunderseige.
Alicia @ candlewaxquotes.
Tori @ windychild.
Amanda @ packagedsmile.
( These are either affiliates, sisters,
or people who own sites I love.
You can ask to be affs or sisters. )
Link me:
| | |
| October 3rd, 2009
[Finished October 4th, 2009]
Toby and I aren't good, at all. We've only been dating for a month and a half but we've got so much romantic and not-romantic history that it feels like we've been together for too long. It's killing me. I really am giving him my all and he can't seem to find it in his heart to love me the way he should. I can make excuses all night for him if I want to, but when it comes down to it... Dating should've made things easier, and it didn't. It keeps getting worse. I think it's just a matter of time now.
I want brand new eyes to see a bit more clearly, and Paramore's new album, Brand New Eyes. At this point, I'm not sure which I'd rather have.
I settled down a twisted up frown
disguised as a smile.
Well, you would’ve never known.
I had it all, but not what I wanted,
‘cause hope for me was a place uncharted
and overgrown.
You’d make your way in;
I resisted just like this.
You can't tell me to feel!
The truth never set me free,
so I did it myself.
- Careful, track 1.
Where's your gavel? Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me,
well, sentence me to another life.
- Ignorance, track 2.
You treat me just like another stranger.
Well, it's nice to meet you, sir.
I guess I'll go;
I best be on my way out.
Ignorance is your new best friend.
- Ignorance, track 2.
You don't have to believe me,
but the way I, way I see it...
Next time you point a finger,
I might have to bend it back
or break it, break it off.
Next time you point a finger,
I'll point you to the mirror.
- Playing God, track 3.
This is the last second chance;
(I'll point you to the mirror.)
I'm half as good as it gets.
(I'll point you to the mirror.)
I'm on both sides of the fence...
(I'll point you to the mirror.)
Without a hint of regret,
I'll hold you to it.
- Playing God, track 3.
So one day he found her crying,
coiled up on the dirty ground.
Her prince finally came to save her,
and the rest you can figure out.
But it was a trick, and the clock struck twelve.
Well, make sure to build your home brick by boring brick,
or the wolf's gonna blow it down.
Keep your feet on the ground
when your head's in the clouds.
- Brick By Boring Brick, track 4.
If it's not real,
you can't hold it in your hands,
you can't feel it with your heart,
and I won't believe it.
But if it's true,
you can see it with your eyes,
oh, even in the dark.
And that's where I want to be, yeah.
- Brick By Boring Brick, track 4.
I wanna know what it'd be like
to find perfection in my pride,
to see nothing in the light,
and turn it off in all my spite, in all my spite.
I'll turn it off, just turn it off.
- Turn It Off, track 5.
And the worst part is,
before it gets any better,
we're headed for a cliff.
And in the free fall I will realize
I'm better off when I hit the bottom.
- Turn It Off, track 5.
When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched
as he tried to reassemble it.
And my momma swore
that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.
But, darling, you are the only exception.
- The Only Exception, track 6.
Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone.
Keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this;
keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now, I had sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness.
Because none of it was ever worth the risk...
Well, you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
- The Only Exception, track 6.
I've got a tight grip on reality,
but I can't let go of what's in front of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof its not a dream, ohh?
- The Only Exception, track 6.
Well, I try not to think of what might happen
when your reality, it finally cuts through.
Well, as for me, I got out and I'm on the road..
The worst part is that this, this could be you.
You know it too.
You can't run from your shame.
You're not getting any younger.
Time keeps passing by, but you wave it away.
It's time to roll over.
- Feeling Sorry, track 7.
I've got no time for feeling sorry.
All the best lies,
they are told with fingers tied.
So cross them tight.
Won't you promise me tonight,
if its the last thing you do,
you'll get out?
- Feeling Sorry, track 7.
Things are looking up.
Oh, finally.
I thought I'd never see the day
when you'd smile at me.
We always pull through,
oh, when we try.
I'm always wrong,
but you're never right.
Oh, you're never right.
- Looking Up, track 8.
Call me over;
Tell me how you got so far,
never making a single sound.
I’m not used to it, but I can learn.
Nothing to it.
I've never been happier,
I've never been happier.
- Where The Lines Overlap, track 9.
I'm going away for a while,
but I'll be back.
Don't try and follow me,
'cause I'll return as soon as possible.
See, I'm trying to find my place,
but it might not be here where I feel safe.
We all learn to make mistakes
and run from them, from them,
with no direction.
- Misguided Ghosts, track 10.
And now I'm told that this is life;
That pain is just a simple compromise,
so we can get what we want out of it.
Would someone care to classify?
A broken heart and some twisted minds,
so I can find someone to rely on
and run to them, to them.
Full speed ahead.
Oh, you are not useless;
We are just misguided ghosts,
travelin' endlessly.
The ones we trusted the most
pushed us far away.
- Misguided Ghosts, track 10.
Think of me when you're out, when you're out there.
I'll beg you nice from my knees.
And when the world treats you way too fairly,
Well it's a shame I'm a dream...
All I wanted was you.
All I wanted was you.
- All I Wanted, track 11.
I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
and fall asleep on the couch.
Wake up early to black and white re-runs
that escape from my mouth, ohh.
All I wanted was you,
all I wanted was you.
All I wanted was you,
all I wanted was you.
- All I Wanted, track 11.
I could follow you to the beginning,
just to relive the start.
Maybe then we'd remember to slow down
at all of our favorite parts.
All I wanted was you, oh.
All I wanted was you,
all I wanted was you.
All I wanted was you,
all I wanted was you.
- All I Wanted, track 11.
Picture credit goes out to:
a. BurnSoBrightQuotes (my favorite site everrr)
b. PocketfulOfSunshine
c. AgitatedHope
d. MakeAMiracleHappen
I highly recommend the new Paramore album, Brand New Eyes to anyone. The lyrics aren't always spectacular/relative but I think there's just something about Paramore that makes me WAKE UP and wanna dye my hair bright orange. Haha, IDK. ;] It's like 1 in the morning now, so I'm going to get some ice cream. | | |
| September 20th, 2009.
This probably sums up exactly how I feel about my boyfriend and our lives and everything in my fucking head. If you get the chance, listen to this song. It's beautifully sad, and just beautiful.
I see it in the way you would do...
When no one else could ever get through.
Holding back 'til I come around;
Time and time again, you wait for me to come in..
And did you really look my way?
'Cause no one coulda seen this coming.
I would never let you down;
If I was running backwards in full time.
So I can, and I will, and you'll see
your hero come running,
over and over tonight.
And I do wanna love you.
If you see me running back...
And I do wanna try.
Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy,
then I'm going out of my mind.
So hold back your tears this time.
Me? I'm used to being tired and bloody,
but you believed that I could be somebody.
You put your world on hold for me;
Gave away to follow;
Feel you through the fire.
I need you to know I will.
Believe me, girl, I'm so tired of running.
I just wanna hold your hand;
Stare at you like you've got everything I need.
And I can, so I will, and you'll see
your hero come running,
over and over tonight.
And I do wanna love you.
If you see me running back...
And I do wanna try.
Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy,
then I'm going out of my mind.
So hold back your tears this time.
And what if I never said to you I was dynamite?
And what if I never told you I'm afraid to cry?
What if I never let you down,
and said I'm sorry for the nights I can't remember?
What if I never said to you I would try?
Yeah, yeah, yeaahh.
And I do wanna love you.
(If you see me running back...)
And I do wanna try.
Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy,
then I'm going out of my mind.
So hold back your tears this time.
And I do wanna love you.
If you see me running back..
And I do wanna try.
Because if falling for you, girl, is crazy,
then I'm going out of my mind.
So hold back your tears this time.
Hold back your tears this time.
(Credit to MostObviousWeakness for the pictures.)
Please summarize yourself in six words or less.
I wanna know exactly what you feel in the most simple sentence, or the most simple terms.
My six words for right now?
Quietly explosive, I'm a ticking timebomb. | | |
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